Six Reasons why I left the convent and sit here sore and lonely
staring at the hypnotizing rays of a computer monitor.
Need I go on? Things couldn't have been any stranger or bleak as they are now. No one but me could
imagine the loneliness of that godforsaken, milddewed, quasigothic nightmare I had been living in
nor the mind-crushing conversations of my peers. Even now my ears ring like the unblissful
sounds of salvation army ringers and I gnaw my fingernails to the bones thinking of it.
Fortunately, heaven hears the woeful cries of its' own and what should I meet up with but the six
dwarfs recently hired to run the summer carnival. I, as the youngest sister, was appointed as the
dwarfs keeper and was instructed to encourage their setting up of the carnival and ensuring that
they keep at their work and promote the spring carnival planned to assist us with the fattening
of our otherwise flaccid purses. In the beginning I thought this would be a tiresome and boring
assignment. Little did I know that this simple task would lead to so many new experiences and open
new, strange avenues in a life that had been heretofor bereft of any joy.
Everything certainly started innocent enough - They were so helpful to me in the beginning. Wolfie,
the lead dwarf was helping me iron veils one quiet afternoon and after bringing over a new basket
to fold decided to lie down on the rug. I'm not sure what happened next but we ended up on the floor
- me on top - sitting on his face. I mean it was absolute heaven - His darting dwarf tongue
enraptured my entire being - I need never bathe again - I am THAT clean.
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